


Currently looking for a sidekick to teach in the ways of righteousness

by havisham



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Craigslist ad, Dead Robins, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-24
Updated: 2011-11-24
Packaged: 2017-10-26 11:58:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/pseuds/havisham
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Posted to the Gotham City Craigslist, 10/28/11, 23:15.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Currently looking for a sidekick to teach in the ways of righteousness

* Age, race, gender, creed or sexuality are not at issue.
  

* However, if you are required to eerily resemble me. Cosmetic augmentation is okay to achieve this, although au naturale is best.
  

* I do insist that you are a.) extremely impressionable, and b.) comfortable with bare legs. 
  

* If that means shaving, that means shaving. Same goes for tights.
  

* Orphans are welcome, but understand that your tragic backstory will never be allowed to trump my tragic backstory.
  

* A quick wit is appreciated, especially a nice facility with puns.
  

* If you are an under-aged orphan child, for reasons of convenience, I may have to adopt you. 
  

* Please understand that this is a legal contract only; I have no intention of actually parenting you.
  

* My own parents are dead. I don’t want to talk about it.
  

* Sidekicks must never be afraid to fail, however, be aware that every failure makes me have less and less faith in you. And also, I will love you a little bit less every time.
  

* A thirst for justice is required. However, a thirst for vengeance can an adequate substitute, if need be.
  

* If you are killed in the line of duty, you may also appear in various dreams and hallucinations in my guilty-stricken mind. If you find the outfit you appear in these dreams to be objectionable, please remember that it was acceptable in the eighties.
  

* If you later re-emerge from the veil of death, please do not target me in your insane mission of vengeance. I’m a busy man, and we all have problems.
  

* If you have any thing you need to talk about, any issue about growing up and finding your place in the world, please contact my faithful retainer, Gerald with all your questions.
  

* Do not contact me on with my work number or home number or for-a-fun-time number. Remember this.
  

* If you have any questions, don’t bother asking around. _I’ll find you._
  


 

Signed, A Vigilante. _Never mind which one._

c/o Wayne Bruce

 

 

"A very clever alias, sir."  
"Thank you, Alfred. I am about to post this on Craigslist."  
"Will that be all, sir?"  
"Oh, yes."  
"Very good sir."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Always Another One (The Robin Recruitment Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4109887) by [Redrikki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redrikki/pseuds/Redrikki)




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